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Monday, September 1, 2014

You will never be happy in a relationship if you aren't happy with yourself.

Story of my life.

I'm not made to be in a relationship. I swear, I think I am one of those people that are meant to be alone forever. I don't think I have ever been truly happy even though I am #1 at fake smiling. Fake it til you make it right? I am never at ease and I am always watching my back because I'm paranoid. Maybe because of all the wrong things I've done in life I don't know. I get tired of myself really easily. I have deleted so many blog posts and Instagram posts because I don't like what I look like or who I am. I have restarted my Twitter feed twice and I recently cleared my Facebook. Reason being I am not happy with myself. I recently blogged about how I would be happy if only I had this and that (entire list). The list consists strictly of superficial factors and some people might think it is a joke but it it actually isn't no matter how dumb it sounds. There are many times where I would just break down because all these thoughts clog up my mind and it is all that I can think about. I can say a million compliments about others but I can't say a single for myself. This is just who I am and if you can't deal with it I completely understand because I can't deal with myself either.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

girl crush


I have never crushed on a girl so hard before hahaha. But seriously, this Thai girl is flawless (my boyfriend agrees) and I am so jealous of her looks and everything. Some people are just blessed with being perfect and sometimes that makes me so depressed because I am far from having the perfect body, smile, height, etc. Sigh.
As time passes I feel like I dislike myself more and more and that it is impossible for me to be happy.

Some things are just beyond explanation and you probably would not understand.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Since as long as I can remember, I've wanted a boyfriend or at least a best friend who was as into photography/art as I am. Someone who could take my ootd pictures for my blog and Instagram. Every blogger I follow is a girl who has a boyfriend who takes all of their photos and I've always envied that. But I totally gave up on that by now. My boyfriend knows that I want that but I mean you can't force someone to be someone they are not and do things that they really weren't meant to do right? So yeah sorry for this random post. This is just a wish that never came true but at least now I can openly talk about it so it stops bothering me.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

It took many years to love this way, but to say goodbye--only a second.

Monday, July 7, 2014

My life for the next three months

Drive 43 miles to work (internship #2) at 7:30am and work from 8:30am until approximately 5:30pm and then drive and arrive home at approximately 6:30pm and then work some more for my other job (internship #1) because I have no life. Or no friends to hang out with, go figure. Just kidding.